More Commercials in More Places

Those AT&T ads where they have the one person simulating a really, really long voice mail greeting that talks about how stupid they are for not having AT&T are pretty hit and miss. Below the fold are the two that I really think hit.

This guy is pretty much awesome. I mean, he goes to an empty bar early in the evening, grabs a pool table all by himself, and proceeds to RANDOMLY knock the balls around, with seemingly no concern for where they go. I do question why AT&T thought it was reasonable to assert that some random bar wouldn't have cell service with some other company. I don't think I've ever been in one that didn't have Verizon service, for example. But still. The dude can totally rock out & play pool.

Alli assures me that this is, in fact, what European hostels are like. The "techno twins" are basically my heroes.

A Trifecta of Awesome

So here we have three adds all loosely tied together by the theme of the morning after.

The first is a Romanian beer commercial featuring, in the words of Hugh Grant in Bridget Jones' Diary, "absolutely enormous panties." Not bad. Good reaction shot.

The second has a guy trying to get rid of an arm to which he is handcuffed (I wonder... if this were a Coke Zero commercial, what nationality would the arm be? German, methinks). Good physical comedy.

The third is my favorite. In the tradition of great Man/Ape pairings (Every Which Way But Loose, anyone?), it features a guy waking up to an amorous orangutan. Great reaction from the guy and some superb simian acting. Love the ass-slap. I'm an easy mark...

I could really go for an IBC Root Beer. Wait, does IBC make real beer, too?

Dubious Characterizations

Okay, maybe everyone in the world has seen these Coke Zero ads except for me. They're a little weird, and have some ... interesting ... features I'll unpack a bit below the fold:

Okay. So, I guess the tongues can TASTE the Coke Zero, but can't SEE the label...the eye is the opposite. Got it. That seems to be about as far as the Coke folks went with continuity of vision here. Some thoughts:

How can either an eye or a tongue speak?

Why does the brain get a wagon instead of legs? It also could have sort of slithered along like a slug or something.

The assigned ethnicities REALLY confuse me. The eye is French, the tongues are British, and the brain is American. I think I would have gone completely the other way...clearly, it should be assigned thusly:
- French should be the tongues (they invented cuisine, and it's called FRENCH KISSING...geez).
- British goes to the brain, ditching the Cockney style for a more aristocratic accent (everything sounds smarter when you say it with a British accent).
- American goes to the eyes, because, um, that's what's left?

At any rate, the ads are kinda neat. Not really brilliant or hilarious, but interesting and, I think, well-done.

Sports Figures Are Hilarious, Part 3

Now that's what we're talking about. Billy Martin. Steinbrenner. That. Is. Acting.

Well... sort of. Steinbrenner probably fired Martin for real before and after takes just to keep it real.

George Steinbrenner. Keeping it real.

If only we could find a link to John Turturro and Oliver Platt (brilliantly) recreating this in The Bronx is Burning...

Ryan Howard. World Series (commercials) MVP?

Holy god. Was there an acting class in which both Dustin Pedroia and Ryan Howard participated? I don't believe it, it's a subway sub!

Sports Figures Are Hilarious, Part 2

There's not much to say about this one. I mean, this has got to be one of the most hilariously awful performances in television history, right? I don't believe it, it's Jim Rice.

Car Commercials That Don't Suck?

Since the beginning of time, ads for cars have been boring. I'm sure there are loads of Really Good Reasons for this, thought up by Brilliant Marketing Staff. The fact of the matter is, however, no one likes it when a car commercial comes on. They're either blah blah horsepower blah blah, or blah blah mpg blah blah. Here are two exceptions.

I love how the "stranded" people come up with reasons to not be rescued. Also, the one woman actually waves around a water bottle that SEALS SHUT when raising the cup holder issue. "We have too many beverages!" is an awesome line, though. They throw in the completely nonsensical bison, too. I like how many unanswered questions we're left with here. How did the people get there in the first place? What, precisely, are their mysterious "beverages?" And, of course, what did the bison do to get the little guy's "blood a-boilin'?" I'm thinking they had that dude improv a line in every take, and that was the best they got.

I love - LOVE - this ad. I don't really get what any of it has to do with the Jeep Liberty, and to be honest, I had to find it on YouTube by typing "rock me gently commercial," but it's freaking great. The only problem is, in the 30 second version (which was on TV a lot more than the full one), the song doesn't line up with the narrative at the end (with the wolf). They edited the video to be seamless, but the song skips like 3.5 whole bars. Weak. However, the above is the full version, so bask in its greatness.

I'm Totally Not a Grown-Up

Come on, Nivea. You can't make the guy with whom you want your customers to identify the LEAST COMPELLING CHARACTER in the commercial...

The best moment is, obviously, "That won't increase my ability to mate!" -- but all of the kids are pretty amusing in their own way.

It's Like, Totally a Bummer

Absolutely stellar performance from the Dad in this one...

Just a couple notes:

-What kind of soccer is that kid playing, where he can notice his dad looking at some lady? Furthermore, there is like...no reaction from his wife at all.
-The daughter is TOTALLY the kind of girl I went for when I was like, 13. I'm disappointed that she likes someone with a nasty mustache (obviously it's the "I've never shaved before" crustache).

Sports Figures Are Hilarious, Part 1

Some products make hundreds of terrible ads, and then have a true gem come out. Just For Men is one of these products. Their ads are, generally, absolutely miserable (e.g. the one where a single dad's daughters get it for him because they want a mommy - dreck). They hit a home run (not to mix metaphors...okay, definitely just to mix metaphors) with the following, though.

Best moment: Emmit Smith's "Oh...it's bad..."
Second best: The implication that, right after the commercial, he had an eightsome with those cheerleaders.

Best Facial Expression Ever?

This one has an obnoxious watermark (and only the first 15 seconds are relevant), but it was the only version we could find online...


Basically, the face that the asian kid makes after the singers stop makes us laugh every damn time we watch. It's amazing. Not much else to say about it.

Introduction

This blog is about television ads - the good, the bad, and the ugly. More specifically, we intend to focus on commercial actors and their contributions to making their ads good, bad, or ugly. Sometimes all three. It's not a terribly complicated idea.

We have a lot of ideas from the get-go, so let's dive in!

This one is not